It's wandering in a daze from room to room wondering what the HELL just happened.
It's lying in bed crying as you beg God to bring him back.
It's jumping out of bed the next morning thinking it was all a dream.
It's running to the kitchen and seeing his empty chair.
It's realizing this IS your nightmare now.
It's seeing his favorite coffee cup.
It's finding his list of "things to do"....that he'll never get done now.
It's finding a gardening catalog with the pages he had "dog-eared" ...saving for later.
It's not caring if the bed gets made.
It's not caring if the dishes get washed.
It's finally doing laundry...folding clothes he'll never wear again.
It's slow dancing with one of his denim shirts.
It's the gut-wrenching sound of a motorcycle and feeling rage at the life he still had yet to live..
It's hearing the sound of a LOUD truck and then remembering...it's not him.
It's watching our dogs as they lay on the recliner staring out the window...waiting for him to come home.
It's stopping his TV recordings on the DVR.
It's a deep-rooted loneliness you can't shake even in a room full of people.
It's needing his hug at the end of the day.
It's hugging his pillow because it's all you have now.
It's writing "I love you and miss you" on the frosted window every morning, hoping he can see it.
It's forever remembering that night that changed your life...and ended his.
It's guilt and regrets and "what-could-have-beens".
It's wondering if things will ever be normal again.
It's knowing they never will.
It's getting up every morning with a heavy heart.
It's pushing forward even when you don't want to.
It's smiling for others when you're dying inside.
It's strength you never imagined you had.
It's hard...it's just so DAMN hard.
✻ღϠ₡ღ✻ Hillbilly Ramblin' ✻ღϠ₡ღ✻